Do you know what one of my favorite things about Mother’s Day is? The priceless handmade cards and trinkets they send home from preschool. Don’t they just melt your mommy heart?!
My absolute favorite is the All About My Mom fill-in-the-blank papers. (If you have a younger child, you might have received one this past weekend.) If it’s been awhile since your kiddos were little, it’s the one where your child describes their favorite thing about you, what they think you are good at, your favorite food, etc..
What I love about those papers is you get to peak inside the mind of your child. You get to see what stands out to them in their relationship with you. And even though our children can be a mirror for us on a daily basis, the responses on that paper can validate how they see you.
I remember getting one when Drake was younger and it said, “My mom is good at: running with me.” I was thrilled.
Another year it said, “My mom likes to eat: candy.” Even though it was (and is) true, I was a little embarrassed when I read it.
Now that he’s a teenager, I don’t get the All About My Mom papers. So this past weekend I just asked him, “What do I do that makes me a good mom?” Partly to check in with him and partly because every mom needs affirmation. Without skipping a beat, he responded with, “You do laundry, you do dishes, and you give good pep talks.”
At the time I laughed because, man does it feels like I do laundry 24/7. (Side note, my husband actually does most of the dishes.) I also thought “pep talks” was a funny response.
What I realized is his answers were a reflection of what he sees me give my attention to and how I spend my time. His answers validated that clean clothes and a clean house matter to me. And that helping him choose his perspective in tough situations is also important to me.
Your actions speak louder than your words…
Your children are watching you. They might not be paying attention to what you say, but they are paying attention to your actions. Each day you show them what matters to you by the way you prioritize and spend your time. That makes sense, but what if viewed your schedule and priorities from the perspective of what it’s teaching your children? Would you still choose to spend your time the way you do?
Think about what you hope to teach your children. What habits or behavior do you want to instill in them? Maybe it’s eating a healthy diet or exercising. Maybe it’s being generous with your time. Consider how well you modeling those habits and behaviors. Are you showing them what it looks like to take care of your physical health? Are you showing them how rewarding giving of your time can be? It’s one thing to talk about it and another to show them with your actions.
We can’t control what our children do, how they act or how they turn out. We can control our actions, how we spend our time and the way we influence we have on our children. So the next time you plan your day or open your calendar, think about how you are prioritizing and spending your time and what it communicates to your child.
Optional Homework
If you're up for it, here’s a little homework assignment to do with your child (no matter their age).
Without prompting, have your child fill in the blanks to these 4 sentences.
The most important thing my mom has taught me is ____________.
My favorite thing about my mom is __________.
My mom is really good at _____________.
I wish my mom would do less ____________ so she has time to do more _____________.
Take a few minutes alone to reflect on their answers.
If you’re pleased with their answers - wonderful. Celebrate it.
If you’re not pleased - avoid the tendency to judge yourself. Instead, recognized this new information and accept it as an opportunity to grow.
Determine what small change (if any) you’re willing to commit to as a result of this new awareness and identify a trusted friend who can hold you accountable to making the change.
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Hi! I’m Crystalynn, a mom of two and a certified coach. I help moms on the brink of burnout to manage their stress, regain balance in their lives, and develop the skills and strategies they need to thrive as parents and individuals. Through coaching, my clients become aware of judgmental thoughts that can result in busyness, people-pleasing, and perfectionism. We explore how those thoughts influence their parenting practices and the messages they pass on to their children. Then, we implement strategies to create healthy habits they are proud to model and pass on to their children. Want to learn more? Schedule a free coaching session.