Have you ever thought about how your emotions impact you and your relationships on a daily basis? Building a strong emotional awareness can change the way you interact with others and be the key to improving your personal and professional relationships.
When you are aware of your emotions you develop an understanding of why you feel the way you feel and then have the ability to control your emotional response in any given situation.
Let’s say you’re a new mom and you’ve been at home caring for your child for the last 6 months while your husband works full-time. He suggests that the two of you take a weekend trip so you can have a break from the baby. How would you respond?
Well, you might react with excitement because you need a break. You might react with worry or fear because it seems too soon to leave the baby with someone else. Or your reaction might be confusion or anger because you interpret his invitation to mean that you need a break from the baby and you love the time you get with your child. Each of these reactions are based on a thought. When we react emotionally to a situation, we are often being led by those thoughts that are created based on our interpretation of the situation.
In every situation you encounter in life, you have a choice. You get to choose whether you react based on emotion or respond. Getting to the place of choice starts with building emotional awareness and it takes practice. It’s like a muscle that you have to use often to strengthen and develop muscle memory. This might look like asking yourself – What am I feeling? What thoughts am I having that may have created this response?
It could also involve becoming aware of the physical responses we have associated with our emotions. For example, when you’re nervous you might get sweaty palms or your heart might begin racing. [This article from Fast Company has a fascinating heat map that depicts where in our bodies we can expect different emotions to manifest.] Understanding how your body responds physically to emotions can help increase your awareness.
Once you become aware of your emotions, you’ll be able to better control your response when faced with a challenging situation. When you experience an emotional response to a situation – like the suggestion of taking a weekend trip away from your 6-month old – you can assess how you are interpreting the situation and choose how you want to respond.
The following is a tool I was introduced to during my coach training with iPEC and is something I often share with clients. It can be used when you find that your interpretation of what someone has done or said is causing you to be upset.
Step #1 – Stop and breathe. This will allow you to take a second and assess the situation, giving yourself an opportunity to respond rather than react.
Step #2 – Ask yourself, “How appropriate is my emotional reaction to this situation?” How often have you looked back on a situation after getting more information and thought “Man I could have handled that differently.” This is your chance to assess the situation and decide what an appropriate response might be.
Step #3 – Ask yourself, “What story am I telling myself that is causing me to be upset?” This is the money question and one that I ask clients all the time. It’s a powerful question because your inner critic, your insecurities and your beliefs can take over and create a story based on your interpretation of the situation and often times that story is far from reality.
Step #4 – Ask yourself, “What else may really be going on here?” This question is meant to challenge your interpretation of the situation. I like to tell my clients - Get curious! Look at the situation from multiple perspectives. Consider all the possibilities and land on the one that makes most sense given the source and circumstances - not based on past experience or your inner critic’s opinion.
Step #5 - Choose your response. Once you’ve guided yourself through the first four steps you will be a little more emotionally grounded and have more clarity around the situation. You can choose the response that best serves you and sometimes that response is asking questions for more clarity. At this point, you are in control of your emotions instead of your emotions having control of you.
Creating awareness of your emotions and how you show up in personal and professional relationships is one of the major benefits of working with a coach. If you’re ready to learn tools like this one as well as learn more about how you show up, schedule a free Discovery Session with me or send me an email. I’ll answer all your questions and help you explore whether you might benefit from coach.
- Crystalynn
For more tips, tools and inspiration, follow me on Facebook or Instagram.