Three years ago (this week!), I went on a solo trip to Barcelona, Spain. I booked the trip a week and a half in advance (and if I’m being honest) after a couple glasses of liquid courage a.k.a. wine. The lack of lead time was intentional. I was convinced if I told anyone or gave myself too much time I’d talk myself out of going.
After saying goodbye to my family, I sat at my gate in Indianapolis and wrote the following with the intention of sharing it one day.
My heart is beating so hard, I'm pretty sure the people around me think I'm about to hyperventilate. (Honestly, I'm convinced it might happen too.) Here I sit in the airport, about to embark on my first solo international trip. I'm going to Barcelona, Spain. ALONE.
While most people would be thrilled to be taking a vacation, I sit here terrified and overwhelmed with emotion and frankly a little mad at myself for making the decision to do something this scary. My thoughts are consumed by fear and all the things that could go wrong. Every negative scenario has run through my head; What if I miss my connecting flight? What if I get sick on the plane? What if I get pick pocketed (cause apparently that’s a thing in Spain) and lose all my money? Or worse, lose my passport? What if I over sleep my last morning in Spain and miss my return flight? My mind is racing through the 'What ifs'!
So why go? Plain and simple, I need to silence the fear. To get past those 'what ifs' that keep me from trying new things or from taking chances. Why not have an adventure that pushes me far outside of my comfort zone and (hopefully) proves I'm able to adjust or survive even if things don't go exactly as planned. I'm hoping this opportunity unleashes confidence in my ability to navigate whatever situation life may throw my way. A confidence and bravery that pushes me beyond my fears into the possibility that (I know) exists on the other side.
I look forward to the lessons and growth that I'm confident will come as a result of this trip - and the many that trips I embark on in the future. I'm excited to share the photos, stories, and memories that I collect along the way. But here I sit.. Terrified.
These words describe not only that trip to Spain 3 years ago, but my life over the last few years. I had come to the realization that fear had kept me from experiencing some really amazing parts of life. That my fear of what ‘might’ happen was keeping me protected, but living a small life and I wanted more. I’ve spent the last three years creating memories, adapting to change, and embracing whatever experiences and lessons life might throw at me.
Taking an international trip alone might not sound scary to you and may not be what you need to do to overcome your fears. After all, fear shows up differently for everyone. But I’m guessing there is something in your life that sends your mind into 'what if’ frenzy. So when you find yourself stuck in that ‘what if’ mindset, ask yourself these questions:
What am I afraid of?
What’s the feeling at the root of my fear? (For me, it was a lack of confidence in myself to navigate an international trip alone.)
What opportunities/experiences will I miss out on because of this fear?
What would be different if wasn’t afraid?
What is the worst thing that can happen?
Fear is natural and can protect you. It can act as a warning signal in when you’re facing danger. The trick is deciphering whether the fear is in response to danger or rooted in something else.
- Crystalynn
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